'Til The Last Lyric (Life of Debauchery Duet #2) Read online

  What the fuck?

  “Camila is my mom. My biological mother means nothing to me.”

  The tone of her voice.

  The look in her eyes.

  The expression on her face.

  I recognized it all too clearly.

  “Whoa, Junie.”

  Did she take the test? What isn’t she telling me?

  She smiled, playing it off like I didn’t realize the hate searing off her body. Burning a fuckin’ hole into my chest. The abrupt desire to feel her skin against my fingers was just as overpowering as everything else had been since I first laid eyes on her. Suddenly, a feeling of protectiveness took over me in a way that not even seeing her with Lars brought out.

  All I knew was I wanted her.

  In any way, shape, or form I could have her. I needed Journey like the blood in my veins.

  I couldn’t, wouldn’t let her go.

  I didn’t know what kind of response I was expecting from her in regard to my proposal. I did know I wasn’t expecting to be turned down so damn quickly. She was the only good thing in my life other than my bandmates. Selfishly, I wanted to keep her by my side. I wasn’t used to people telling me no. It was a hard pill to swallow, especially coming from Journey.

  I gripped onto the side of her face, slowly brushing my thumb along her lips. Terrified of her response. “You take the gene carrier test, baby?”

  “Yeah. I’m fine.”

  “Jesus Christ, Junie,” I exhaled all in one breath. “Don’t ever do that to me again. So you came up negative? You ain’t carryin’ the gene?”

  “No.”

  “Then what’s wit’ the disdain?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m just stating the truth. Camila is the only mother I’ve ever known. I don’t consider that woman anything other than the person who gave birth to me.”

  “Kinda harsh, Junie. Don’t ya think?”

  “How did this conversation become about me?”

  “Jour—”

  “Anyway.” She changed the subject. “After they found out Jackson was negative, Harley became herself again. She was happy. They were happy.”

  I didn’t want to upset her. It was obvious changing the subject for the time being was in my best interest. This conversation wasn’t over. It was far from over.

  Unable to resist, I inquired, “What does Bailey know ’bout me?”

  “She knows you’re part of our extended family, the son of Uncle Dylan and Aunt Aubrey. Nothing has changed in our traditions, Cash. We still go to the MC clubhouse every Sunday. We spend holidays and birthdays together and celebrate monumental moments as a family. She also knows you are a musician. She loves your band and thinks it’s the coolest thing in the world to have another family member who’s famous. Her friends are just as obsessed as she is with Life of Debauchery.”

  “And my parents?” I questioned before I could change my mind. “How are they?”

  Her eyes glazed over. It was quick, but I saw it. “I won’t lie to you.”

  “I’m not askin’ you to.”

  “If I tell you, promise me you won’t run away again.”

  I gave her a curt nod.

  “Alright. Well, at first when you left, they weren’t in the best headspace. Nobody was. Everyone worried about you. The only updates we had were the ones Harley or Shiloh would give us. For years, we knew very little of your whereabouts other than you were alive. Everyone still worried, especially your parents. I can say without a doubt, your dad loves you, Cash. A huge part of him changed after you left, and he wasn’t the same. He came around less and less, drowning himself in work even more. I know at one point your mom and dad were going through some issues, but they worked it out.”

  I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt to hear what Journey divulged. My parents had always been the epitome of the perfect couple. I admired and looked up to their marriage growing up. Everyone in Oak Island did. To hear I was possibly responsible for their problems only added to the guilt I felt every single day.

  Reading my mind, Journey reaffirmed, “They worked it out, Cash.”

  “Have they ever said anythin’ ’bout my success?”

  “They are extremely proud. Everyone is.”

  “But what? Just say it,” I snapped in a rougher tone than intended.

  “I mean, you know ... you just said it. The media doesn’t exactly portray you in the most positive light. They worry. We all do. Where did you go last night, Cash? What did you do to yourself?”

  I bowed my head regretfully, unable to answer her. Words failed me, and the irony was not lost on me.

  “You want to know what I think?”

  We locked eyes.

  “I think you need to come home. It’s time.”

  “You don’t know what you’re askin’ of me. It’s been over a decade since I left, and there’s a helluva lot of reasons why I haven’t been back.”

  “Cash, it was such a long time ago. People change, they grow, they forgive. Your family loves you. We all love you.”

  “You love me, Junie?”

  She grabbed my hand and placed it over her hammering heart. “Feel my beat. It’s loved you since I was a little girl, Johnny Cash McGraw.”

  “Then why won’t ya marry me?”

  “I want to be your refuge, not your escape.”

  “Journey, I don’t even know what that is. My life has moved at a fast pace ever since I can remember. I couldn’t tell you the addresses of where I’ve lived. I have no real home, and now you’re askin’ me to go back to our hometown I left behind long ago.”

  “It doesn’t matter. That’s the beauty of a home, Cash. It doesn’t move just because you do. Oak Island will always be your home. Your family will always be there waiting for you.”

  “I think you’re wrong, baby. I think they’ve all moved on without me and rightfully so.” Staring deep into her eyes, I questioned, “Why do you wanna help me, Junie? I’m no good for anyone.”

  “That’s the furthest thing from the truth. I’ve only been with you for a few days, and I’ve already seen so much good in you. You’ve made bad choices, Cash, but it doesn’t make you a bad person. They’re two different things, so stop twisting them together.”

  I removed my hand from her heart, bringing hers up to my lips. “I don’t deserve you.”

  “Well, you have me, like it or not. I’ll be there with you every step of the way. Trust me. Come home with me.”

  This was a bad idea. I felt it in my gut. My intuition was telling me, screaming at me not to listen to her. This wasn’t the right time, if there ever would be such a thing.

  The truth was ... I missed my family. I wanted to see them.

  Meet Bailey.

  Apologize to Harley.

  Thank Jackson.

  The list was endless.

  “Please. I promise everything will be okay. Just trust me,” she pleaded. “I see you, Cash McGraw. I see you.”

  I see you, were three of the scariest words a person could say to me.

  Only ’cuz I hadn’t heard, “I love you” yet.

  Chapter 5

  “You can trigger me. But they’ll never figure me out.”

  -Eminem

  Journey

  The silence on his private jet was deafening. For the last ten hours on this fourteen-hour flight, Cash didn’t sleep, he didn’t talk, he didn’t move from where he was sitting, unless it was to use the restroom.

  Lost in his own mind.

  I tried to keep mine occupied with mindless movies, while trying to ignore the fact he was pounding down whiskey like it was water.

  One glass.

  Two glasses.

  Four glasses.

  Six.

  He drank.

  He drank a shitload.

  Every time I peered over at him from across the aisle, he was chugging the amber liquid. One right after another with no end in sight. I’d never seen anyone handle their alcohol like him. Making his way to the bathroom didn’t faze him. He walked the line each time, never once stumbling. The amount of whiskey he drank since we’d stepped foot onto the plane would have knocked anyone on their ass.

  Cash looked fucking sober which was the most chilling thought of them all.

  I couldn’t help but notice the flight attendant never asked him what he wanted to drink. She never asked him a damn thing. From the moment he sat in the leather seat, furthest away from me, she instantly brought him a drink. As soon as it was empty, she’d simply hand him another.

  They didn’t make eye contact. He never asked. It was like a silent agreement between the two of them.

  “I know what you’re thinkin’,” he rasped, first to break the silence. Downing another swig. “Been drinkin’ a long time, darlin’. I’m a grown-ass man. I know my limits, and I’m far from it, yeah?”

  “Cash, you’ve almost killed an entire bottle of straight-up whiskey. How much more can you handle before you throw up your liver?”

  He scoffed out a chuckle. “I don’t need a mother hen.”

  “Yeah? Well, how about a best friend?”

  His gaze shifted to meet my concerned stare. “My heart is empty, Junie. I gotta fill it wit’ somethin’.”

  I winced, not trying to hide it.

  “You’re so goddamn beautiful. Do you have any idea how fuckin’ stunnin’ you are, baby?” He rubbed his fingers along his lips. “For the last three days I’ve thought ’bout your lips. They’re fuckin’ addictin’, that mouth of yours.”

  “Is this the booze talking, Cash?”

  “I don’t need liquor to tell ya how much I wanna make you mine.”

  “We don’t need to get married for that to happen.”

  “Is that right?”

  “Yes. You know you could ask me out on a date first. Normal people usually start there.”

  “And what part of my life looks normal to you, darlin’?”

  “Touché.”

  He hadn’t spoken to me like this since he proposed three days ago. Life of Debauchery had scheduled back-to-back shows, and his time was spent in rehearsal with the band. I truly thought he was going to cancel on me and make up some excuse as to why he couldn’t come home with me.

  He didn’t.

  There we were, heading full speed into the consequences of his actions. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous, hoping I was doing right by him. It wasn’t Harley, or Bailey, or our families I was worried about.

  Jackson.

  My brother was a Grade A asshole, and he never had any problems speaking his mind. The animosity between Cash and Jackson ran thicker than blood. Always had. They didn’t think I noticed as a child, but I did. They couldn’t stand each other, which only seemed to get worse as the years passed us by.

  Harley used to be the cause of their issues. She was their big divide, having to choose between her best friend and my brother. Eventually, it worked itself out. Cash stepped aside, and Jackson claimed her as his.

  Including Bailey.

  It didn’t surprise me my brother raised her, loved her, and was completely devoted to being her father. He was an amazing dad to her and their son, Beau. Jackson was a lot like our father, stepping up to the plate no matter the cause. His first love and priority were his family.

  Ride or die.

  I still remembered the first time I brought a boy home when I was fifteen-years-old. Jackson used any means to warn guys off me, like he did with Harley. At the time, he hadn’t lived at home for years. However, it didn’t stop him from showing up on his high horse, solely to bully my date into submission.

  “If something happens to my baby sister. If you so much as lay one goddamn finger on her pretty little head, I will shove my Glock so far down your throat—”

  “Jackson! Oh my God! Mom!”

  The whole school knew about their altercation before I even walked through the doors the following Monday morning. Embarrassing the hell out of me for years to come. He ruined my chances at having a boyfriend for the rest of my high school days. I went on a few dates here and there, kissed a couple of guys, but that was the end of it.

  I didn’t date much.

  No one wanted to mess with the NFL MVP’s little sister.

  In Jackson’s eyes and mind, I’d forever be his baby sister with pigtails, riding my pink tricycle. It didn’t matter how much I changed or how old I was. Jackson would always see me as the baby he took care of in our father’s absence after the woman who gave birth to us passed.

  I’d heard enough stories from everyone in the family about my dad going AWOL after our biological mother died. Camila saved him, saved all of us. My parents never tried to hide who I was, or where I came from. I always knew the truth. They’d show me photos and videos of her often.

  I didn’t care.

  She meant nothing to me. I felt no emotional attachment to her. If anything...

  I fucking hated her.

  Most of the time, Jackson acted like my second father. Turning into an angry beast at the drop of a dime like our daddy. His temper knew no bounds. It was a Pierce trait. I’d seen him fly off the handle more times than I cared to remember. Especially when it came to his family’s well-being.

  He was overprotective.

  Loyal.

  Loving.

  Annoyingly so.

  It was becoming apparent that Cash knew more about me than I gave him credit for. Out of nowhere, he stood and walked in my direction. Before I could say a word, he grabbed my hand with a sinister look in his eyes. I didn’t question it. I followed close behind him as he led me toward the back of the plane with his whiskey in tow.

  Seconds later, he opened the door to reveal a gorgeous private bedroom. A king-sized bed took up almost the entire suite in the middle of the open space. Although it was the gray plush comforter that caught my attention the most. I instantly wondered if it was as comfortable and inviting as it appeared.

  “Wow...” I breathed out, taking in the luxurious décor and tan textured pattern on the walls. My fingers grazed along the wallpaper. “This is what dreams are made of.”

  He nodded, grinning like a fool.

  “What?”

  “I like seein’ my world through your eyes,” he stated, bringing his drink up to his lips. Polishing it off and setting it on the bedside table. “Wanna join the mile-high club?”

  I could tell by the tone in his voice he was being a smartass, but I played along.

  “Cash Motherfuckin’ McGraw ain’t a member already?” I sassed, imitating his thick Southern accent.

  “Don’t cuss, Junie.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You mean you aren’t the CEO of the club?”

  “A gentleman never tells.”

  I peered around the room. “There’s a gentleman in here?”

  He laughed, tugging me onto the bed with him. It was good to hear that sound, a nice change of pace to all the heaviness we’d been dealing with the last few days.

  My heart skipped a beat when he laid my body on top of his with our faces now inches apart.

  “You feel damn fuckin’ good in my arms, Junie.”

  I swallowed hard, licking my suddenly dry lips as though I was getting them prepared for him. Thoughts of him kissing me again sent shivers down my spine.

  Rubbing his nose against mine, he coaxed, “So tell me, Journey Pierce. Who is my girl?”

  “I’m lying on top of you, and that’s what you ask?”

  Slowly, he kissed my lips. The smell of whiskey assaulting my senses made me dizzy.

  “You keep sayin’ I don’t know who you are anymore. So tell me, who is my girl?” he repeated against my mouth. Never once did he stop kissing me.

  “Well...” I kissed him back. “This is the first time I’ve ever laid on a guy before.”

  He leaned into the pillow, pulling away to gaze into my eyes. “Christ, darlin’, are you fuckin’ wit’ me?”

  I shook my head.

  “What have you done wit’ guys?”

  “Cash...” I hid my face in the nook of his neck. “You just want to hear me say it.”

  “I wanna hear you say lots of things, but if you say my name like that one more fuckin’ time, I’m gonna have a hard time not makin’ you scream it.”

  I beamed big and wide, feeling my face turn bright red. “I wouldn’t mind that,” I blurted before I lost my nerve.

  In one quick move, he flipped me over and caged me between his arms with his body looming on top of mine.

  “Is that right?”

  His dominance and heady demeanor were igniting every last part of me on fire. I’d never felt this way with anyone. It had always been Cash. Our legs entwined, rubbing together. He didn’t miss a beat, kissing along my jawline, my neck, and deliberately making his way down my chest.

  His breathing escalated, grinding against me. Creating friction from his dick on my wet core.

  I moaned, and he painfully groaned, “Fuck me, Junie. I gotta stop.”

  I’d never forget the raspy way he uttered my name. It was full of emotion, mixed with need, and something I couldn’t place.

  An urgency? An awakening? For me?

  Cash

  I lost my shit.

  My intention was to lay with her on my bed and have her catch me up on her life. I should have known better. I’d been drinking. I was careless. Wanting her so fuckin’ bad made my balls ache and my dick throb.

  I knew I needed to slow down, but goddamn, she felt like everything I’d ever wanted. Up until this moment, I had no clue what that was. Allowing myself to feel her in this intimate way only proved it was her I yearned for. I couldn’t help myself.

  All the buildup.

  The anticipation.

  Our flirty banter.

  It fucked with my head. It was more than I could have ever imagined.

  She was more than I could have ever imagined.

  I went from seeing her as nothing but a child to this woman I couldn’t for the life of me stay away from. I always proved to have more pride than sense. I wanted what I wanted, when I wanted it.